that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
