She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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