So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
