This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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