ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
