Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
