If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Even my vagina gasped.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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