i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
