Your mouth is God's brothel.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
