Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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