Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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