we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
