got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
