Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
