Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
