Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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