i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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