I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
