What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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