you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
