I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
