I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
