He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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