Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
