Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize