woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
