Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
