dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
