Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
