I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
