Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
