What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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