Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
