Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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