Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
