In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
