Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
