Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
