The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
