Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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