Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
