dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
