I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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