He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
