You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize