I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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