I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
