i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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