Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
