Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
