Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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