I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
