If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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