My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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