my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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