Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
