i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
