I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize