Me too!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
