so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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