Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
