my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
