Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
