We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pappa wants mamma naked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
