i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
