12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
