I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
